The Wave Sucks (Funniest Article I’ve Read in a While)

I was at the stadium on Saturday sitting in bleacher section 51 in left center when I noticed a curious phenomenon occurring all around me. The Yankees had just scored two runs in the bottom of the 8th inning to bring the score to within three runs, I was feeling pretty happy it being a beautiful day and a decently close ball game, and all of a sudden everyone around me starts intermittently standing up and sitting back down. It took me a while to search through my memory banks to figure out just what this puzzling occurrence was and why at such an integral part of the game these people decided to do leg exercises. Then as clear as spermicidal lubricant the memory came to me. On a cold day in Giant’s Stadium when I was very young a strange cultural practice known as “The Wave” spread like the AIDS virus in Africa throughout the stadium. I participated at the time because, hey, I was a kid and it seemed like fun. I quickly realized my mistake, when an overwhelming sense of shame gathered in the pit of my stomach. It would be much later in life when I realized that this is the feeling that keeps humans from doing things like running naked through the streets or rooting for the Red Sox or doing the Wave at a baseball game. The guys over at Drunk Jays Blog wrote a very funny guide to doing the wave (if you must). It is hilarious and I suggest you check it out. I will certainly be sitting in the right field bleachers next time, or as I like to call it: The land where the Wave goes to die.

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